


Crooked Smile

by celestialcass



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Galra Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kuron is Shiro (Voltron)'s Clone, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Post Season 5, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-05-17 21:47:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14839760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialcass/pseuds/celestialcass
Summary: Lance is having trouble facing his sexuality, his feelings about a certain former Paladin, and his place on the team. It just might take several near-death experiences to come to terms with who he really is and what he wants.





	1. Conflict

**Author's Note:**

> Tropey Langst, but not completely needlessly cruel to Lance.  
> That's what I was going for.

Lance was a lot of things. He knew that he came off supremely annoying and outgoing sometimes, he had carefully constructed that persona. And to some degree, that was part of his personality. A significant portion. But larger than that part was the scared boy who just wanted to go home. And there were parts of him he had yet to vocalize, had yet to confront head-on.

Lance had only barely begun to realize he wasn’t exactly normal when he was shot into space with four other people and tasked with an intergalactic war.

His ADHD, crippling self-doubts, insecurity, they were all contributors to the ‘Lance-Should-Be-More-Normal’ feeling growing inside him since a young age. But really, the big kicker was the thing he was just starting to understand. What he was only now, at 17, figuring out about himself.

He… the… not being straight. The looming sense of it overwhelmed him sometimes, the overriding part of himself that he wouldn’t, couldn’t face until so recently. Lance, of course, was majorly into women. He loved their hair, their eyes, their lips, and those curves. But he was coming to terms with the fact that loving women didn’t mean he couldn’t.. love men as well. It was hard to think about too much, knowing how so many people were about being gay.

But Lance wasn’t gay, he was.. He was bi. And he knew deep down that most of the people he was close to would be okay with it, but there was lingering doubt that _everyone_ would. And it’s not like he had to rush to come out to his family, he was in space after all.

Maybe he’d never see them again. The thought was overwhelmingly sad, of course, but deeper into the wave of emotion that thought brought was a small sigh of relief, that he would die being the normal straight son everyone wants their child to be. It was a morbid thought to be sure, but Lance couldn’t deny a small part of himself felt that way.

Lance blinked, and found himself torn out of his reflective thoughts by Pidge informing the team they were “Approaching target planet Anansi!”. Pidge was one of the only girls Lance wouldn’t flirt with- not because she wasn’t pretty or whatever, but more because he saw her as a sister rather than a romantic option.

Lance focused on his piloting, Red responding eagerly any time he gave her a nudge. He could feel her presence in his mind, and reminded her to never tell Keith anything he had thought about- at least not the.. Personal stuff.

‘ **None of the Paladins would object to your love of another, cub.** He felt her presence grow stronger as these words flashed across his mind, but there was no actual voice attached.

Lance smiled and patted the controls absently, his worry abated for the moment.

The planet they were arriving at was small and red, with smoky clouds stretching across large expanses of the surface. The same feeling Lance gets with every mission passes over him, the anxiety and apprehension associated with going to a new planet.

Shiro appeared on the screen- and even seeing his face made Lance have to suppress a wince. Shiro was Lance’s first crush on a man- back in his Garrison days he was Lance’s hero. The perfect pilot, perfect specimen of a man, handsome and kind. It was hard to deny that among the hero-worshipping, there was a definite attraction. He also appeared in more than a few bedroom fantasies, but no one needed to know about that.

But all that is not why Lance was cautious around him now. Because after twice captured by the Galra, Shiro was different. So different that sometimes Lance even wondered how he could be the same person. The Shiro that he went into space with originally was kind and an amazing leader- always listening to the team and focussing on being the best role model he could be.

Now? This Shiro would snap at anyone if they disagreed, most often Lance. He would side with Lotor often, act solely upon what he thought was right and never asked anyone else’s opinion. This was a Shiro that Lance didn’t like very much- though he still respected his superior officer, He knew something was wrong.

“Team, remember we’ll only be here for a few hours- We’re just going to help out the Blades with a problem they’ve encountered. A team of five blades were sent to retrieve a valuable ore to fund expanding the rebel base, but they found swarms of hostiles in their way. We’re to eliminate the threat, help the Blades, and get out.” Shiro ordered the team over the comms, and after a beat of a stern stare, shut off his video.

They descended through the atmosphere and landed on Anansi, crimson clouds swirling around the lions as they touch down.

Team Voltron steps out of their lions to see a Blade in the distance, holding a single hand up and waving them over. The sand-like consistency of the ground crunches under Lance’s feet as he walks slightly behind the others, watching for any danger from the sides and back.

The Blade looks antsy as they approach, and motions for them to follow quickly as he(?) darts into a tunnel delving into the surface. The team breaks into a light jog into the tunnel, sliding a bit on the loose ground.

The tunnel swallows them up and they go deeper into the ground, dark red sediment surrounding them and giving the air a certain reddish glow.

This planet reminded him of Keith.

His missing teammate haunted a lot of Lance’s thoughts nowadays- too many to admit. It wasn’t that Lance was obsessed or anything, but the loss of Keith affected pretty much everything in the routine and daily life in the Castleship. At least, it did to Lance.

Who was he supposed to bug about taking too much of the coffee-like alien drink? Who was he supposed to brag to about his achievements with Red? No one else had piloted her, they wouldn’t understand the feeling when you go just fast enough and make just the right turn- how it feels not to conquer, but to work perfectly with her. And ultimately, what else could it be but that Lance straight-up missed him, mullet and all. As much as Allura was integral to Voltron, and Shiro was a founding member, part of him wished that Black would reject him and go back to only accepting Keith, or some other configuration that allowed Keith back.

Lance knew he was being selfish with these wishes, but something was just wrong with Voltron at the moment. They could still form Voltron, obviously, but there was just a hint of something being off every time.  
Lance shook off these thoughts- better to concentrate on the mission at hand.

He couldn’t spend all of his time mooning over Keith in his absence.

He followed the Blade and his team, who were near-sprinting down the tunnel now, and they came up to an opening- a widening of the tunnel into a full-blown underground mine, open and emptied out in a lot of places. But the ore wasn’t the important part anymore, it was getting those Blades out alive.

From here they could see four Blades, surrounded on all sides, by monstrous spider-like aliens with many limbs, sharp barbs and terrifyingly red eyes. The hopelessly outnumbered Rebel Galra fought fiercely, but they could only swipe and kick desperately at the growing hordes, just barely holding them at bay.

Lance raised his bayard, simultaneously transforming it into the blaster he’d grown so familiar with. Raising the gun to his eyeline, he stepped slightly away from his teammates and began laying down cover fire for the Blades. His blasts streaked towards the spiderlike beasts swiftly, and their impact caused a shrieking of pain from a fair few.

“Go! I’ve got you covered!” He called to the others, and most of them departed at a sprint to help the wildly outnumbered Blades. Hunk walked forward slowly, forming his gatling gun and spraying the beasts alongside Lance.

The remaining three members of Team Voltron and the Blade rushed in, Pidge launching her bayard into a crumbling portion of the wall and using it to swing into battle, gracefully detaching it mid-air and swinging the retracting blade down as she dropped onto the nearest beast. Shiro sprints in just behind her, taking a swipe at a group of the convulsing beasts with his Galra hand. Allura forms her whip and swings it, precisely taking the heads off of the first wave that had began rushing the team.

The Blade began fighting alongside them seamlessly, integrating himself between their strikes and taking down enemies fluidly. It was almost like a dance, an extremely violent dance.

Watching the fight, Lance began to slow his fire, realizing there was too great a risk of friendly fire with their current tactics. He signalled Hunk to go on left and pick off stragglers while he went to the right.

Seeing Hunk’s trusting smile almost lifted Lance’s mood- his friend’s steadfast support never failed. Lance jogged to the right, forming his blaster into a more suitable sniper rifle, and he surveyed the scene quickly.

The Team was doing a great job of dispatching enemies, but there seemed to be beasts oozing out of the walls- moving through the cracks to attack them at a startling pace and with increasing numbers.

No matter how well the Team fought, they might just be completely overwhelmed if something wasn’t done about it.

He had to think. But he couldn’t stop shooting, his friends needed him. No matter if he was the least important, at least he could help a bit. _Snip, Snip_ Lance took out two beasts advancing on the lone Blade, and the masked figure turned towards him and nodded fast as lightning, before running straight at him.

Lance was confused for about two seconds before the Blade was right up in his personal space, raising his weapon and slicing directly above Lance’s head.

A corpse fell to the ground. Lance glanced up and realized the veins that the beasts were emerging from were in the ceiling as well as the walls, and that the Blade had likely saved his life.

“Thanks!” Lance grinned, and shifted his fingers, sniping a few more advancing bugs. The Blade and him began to fight back to back, taking out waves of enemies. But no matter how quickly he sniped them, the bugs kept coming closer and closer, putting severe pressure on Lance. He grunted, and as a bug nearly swiped him in the chest he decided enough was enough.

The red bayard glowed with a flash, and transformed into his broadsword just in time for Lance to swipe at the advancing wave. He took out eight with one strike, and he’d never felt more powerful out of his Lion.

There was a muffled gasp behind him, and Lance’s eyes darted to the Blade. He was staring right back, and Lance was both annoyed and proud that he’d made such a splash with this Blade. Maybe they could be friends! But this wasn’t the time to get starstruck, and Lance stabbed and swiped at the bugs around them.

“Hey there, I know i’m amazing, but it’s time to get up and help me with these fuckers!” He tried, and the Blade seemed to shake out of their shock.

Once he knew the Blade was covering his back again, Lance spared a glance for the rest of the Team. They were still fighting admirably, but what Lance had predicted was coming true. The numbers were growing to be too much.

The room was now some fifty percent bug, fifty percent anything else, and it was getting cramped and dangerous.

Lance knew the time for action was now. He had noticed that there weren’t just a few cracks on the ceiling, but instead the cracks congregated into a spiderweb (ha) of fragile rock right in the center of the room.

“If we collapse that we can crush them!” Lance yelled, fighting to be heard above the noise. He gestured wildly upwards with his sword, and then swiped down to pulverize a close bug.

The Blade apparently couldn’t or wouldn’t respond, but nodded, or at least it looked like it from Lance’s peripheral view.  

“Go for the exit!” Lance shouted above the noise.

“We _will not_ abandon them!” Shiro roared.

“Get the Blades too! We have to collapse the cave on these bugs!”

Shiro looked frustrated, but relented. “Do it!” He grabbed the nearest Blade with his human hand and tossed him like a ragdoll above the crowds, luckily the Blade managed to find their feet and sprint for the exit.

Everyone else got the picture and began moving towards the exit. Eventually, after a whole stupidly long minute of waiting for everyone to get clear, it was just Lance and the Blade left. They were close though, just fifty meters from the exit tunnel.

That’s when things went from bad to worse.

Lance, brandishing his broadsword, ducked under the Blade’s attack to kill one of the bigger bugs attacking them. One of the meaner-looking beasts reeled back and took a powerful swipe at the Blade, and Lance didn’t think twice before placing himself between the Blade and the attack. Unfortunately, they’d been fighting so hard that his arms didn't move fast enough for the block, and the claw meant for the Blade pierced into Lance’s abdomen.

A lucky strike directly between the armor plates, the sharp pincer dug deep into his stomach like a hot knife through butter.  The pain was like nothing he’d ever felt before- a hot sensation of being having a foot-long needle violently tear into him and rip right back out in less than a second.

He didn’t even scream, the air just left him in a gust that shook him to his core and moving only compounded the hurt in his new wound.

The Blade seemed to notice he was pausing, and took out an impressive number of enemies to compensate.

Allura called from a ways down the tunnel in her crystal clear voice, out of place in this horrible violent battle. “Lance! Collapse it and let’s go! We need to leave!”

Lance coughed a little and decided that his wound was secondary. Mission first. Always. His broadsword glowed and transformed into his trusty blaster, and in one smooth motion he shot a ring of powerful blasts at the ceiling of the cave, turned, grabbed the Blade by the hand and ran for his fucking life.

Cutting through the crowd of hostiles with sheer speed and determination, as well as the Blade’s knife, they made it out just as the cave collapsed, red chunks falling and crushing the bugs behind them. It would have made for a really cool slow motion shot.

Lance tumbled through the opening to the tunnel as fast as he could, dragging the Blade by the hand as he went.

They emerged dusty but intact, and the Team was waiting with the other four Blades.

“Glad you made it!” Hunk said happily, allowing his bayard to revert to its passive form as he moved to hug his friend.

Shiro made a sound of alarm.

The Team turned to see something out of Lance’s worst nightmares. In the distance, between them and the Lions, a rumbling came from the ground. After a few seconds, large, dangerous looking appendages shot from the rock and began pulling a huge spider-beast from the ground. It looked huge, nearly the size of Voltron himself.

“God damnit” He muttered. The Blade that he had fought with looked at him, but Lance couldn’t decipher what that meant with the mask.

“Move out, Team. We have to get to our Lions and form Voltron.” Shiro ordered, and began walking towards their Lions. “Be careful to avoid it until we’re safely inside our Lions.”

“Or.. we could call the Lions over here?” Lance grumbled. “Isn’t it dangerous to try and get past that thing without them?”

“Now’s not the time to be lazy because you don’t want to walk, Lance. You did good back there, but not all of us can call our Lions like you and Keith can with Red.” Allura says, sparing him a gentle smile but continuing on after Shiro.

“I guess.” Lance nods, taking a deep breath and wincing. Of course he was the only one injured. He wasn’t careful enough. Wasn’t strong enough. He was just the weird, queer, comic relief. The weak link.

He stood still for a moment, waited until the rest of the team was ahead to put his hand against the slowly spreading stain of blood on his side. Quickly trying to steady his breathing, he cautiously follows, hiding his injury. It isn’t important, what kind of soldier would he be if he demanded to be taken care of when there’s a mission to finish? He can tough it out.

He’d better be able to.

Lance’s palm is wet with his own scarlet blood as he follows the group, his walk just a bit stiffer than normal as they head towards greater danger.


	2. Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the fight takes a serious toll on Lance as his condition grows worse- And will Keith help him?

Every step Lance takes causes a twinge of pain to rip through his wound and up his body. It takes an extraordinary amount of control to not wince with every stiff foot forward.

He follows his Team, the five Blades flanking them on either side as they approach the huge crimson monster, writhing about angrily and striking at the surface.

Lance can only assume this was the mother monster, or perhaps the king/queen of the species, mad that a decent chunk of the species was just crushed. He shivers at the idea of what someone who has just lost a number of their species could do to their small party of humanoids.

The team slows their approach when they get fairly close, only about 100 yards away. The beast hasn't noticed them yet, but it surely will soon.

"Shiro.. what's the plan?" Lance tries, hesitant to engage their volatile leader.

The leader in question turned sharply back to his team. "We split up. We have nine people, so in groups of three we try to get past this monster. Myself, Allura and this Blade will go to the right. Pidge, Hunk and that Blade will go to the left. Lance, you take the remaining two Blades under the beasts legs."

Lance lurched slightly. "Sounds pretty dangerous."

Shiro fixed a steady stare at him. "It's actually the safest route. The monster will probably go for those it can see, so the left and right groups will be the most in danger. I know you can handle the easiest job, Lance."

Now, Lance knew that in theory, those words weren't cruel. They made a weird sort of sense. But he still couldn't shake the feeling that his group would be crushed under one of the many legs.  Nevertheless, he wasn't about to look even more the weak link of the Team.

He was escorting two Blades, one of which was the Blade he fought side-by-side with in the battle. Lance clapped a hand on his shoulder, ignoring the feeling of blood oozing slowly from his wound, shooting him a grin. "Thanks for having my back in there."

The Blade nodded.

"Wow, you guys really don't talk much, do you?"

"Lance!" Pidge called, already in position to move. Lance turned and signaled for the Blades to move when the others did.

Shiro took off, Allura and a Blade right behind him. Pidge and Hunk started towards the left, with a Blade behind them.

Lance started running straight forward. He could hear the quick _pap-pap-pap_ of the two Blades behind him, their steps light and quick. The monster loomed large and frightening in front of them, finally realizing it had company and swiping at Hunk. He and Pidge leapt forward, the huge claw barely missing them. It crashed into the ground, kicking up a large amount of red dust into the air. It obscured the Blade that was with them, but Lance couldn't spare any more time looking at them when one of the beasts many legs was stomping down near his group.

It came down with force, but they were lucky enough to see it coming and run a slightly off-center course, avoiding the leg altogether. However, every stomp raised a cloud of dust and rock, ricocheting off of the leg and creating a murky atmosphere to run through. Every step of the beast made it harder to see, and now Lance couldn't see the rest of his team besides the two Blades with him, and only because they were so close.

Lance took a shaky breath and accidentally inhaled some of the dust, particles rough on his throat. But he had to push through. Lance shot at a spot a dozen feet away, and watched as a giant leg came down to crush the spot- quickly working it out, Lance led the Blades through the cloudy mess of a battlefield by shooting in a location then booking it the other way, weaving their way through the giant stalks of thrashing legs with only his strategy.

When they finally burst through the other side, they felt almost triumphant at being able to see more than 10 ft in either direction again. That victory was brief, however. When they could see again, so could the monster finally see them.

It took a swipe, and distracted by the sudden ability to see again Lance's group failed to dodge. The claw swiped them off their feet, hitting hard and launching them several meters to their left, tumbling on the gritty ground and skidding to a stop in a pile. The Blade took only a second to stand back up, turning around and offering a hand to him, Lance gratefully took it, trying to ignore the feeling of grime and rocks embedded in his wound, and the sting of the claw's impact. Unfortunately, the claw hadn't hit Lance alone- the other Blade had taken the majority of the blow, and was laying on the ground with a massive wound in their stomach.

Lance nearly threw up at the sight, just barely holding it together.

The Blade on the ground was twitching, grasping at their wound as if they hadn't quite registered it yet. Organs Lance couldn't recognize spilled from the rip in them, and Lance set his jaw. "We have to carry them! We.. they can't walk like that!"

The Blade that had fought with him stared back, and before anything could happen the Blade on the ground deactivated his mask, popped a pocket on their suit open, grabbed a pill and swallowed it all in one go.

He immediately began convulsing, but almost as quickly stilled, slumping lifelessly, arms still reflexively curled around his wound even in death. His face was unfamiliar to Lance, a pale purple with sharp features and less fur than most Galra, but Lance knew immediately that face, with no life in his eyes, would be burned into his memory forever.

The standing Blade broke their silence for the first time. "Ferik, NO!" If Lance wasn't in constant pain and distracted by having to shoot the beast, he would have recognized that voice.

With a gulp, the able Blade grabbed Lance's arm. "We have to go."

Lance stared, uncomprehendingly.

"He chose to take the quickest way out. Let's go."

Lance shuddered. "He.. no.."

"We don't have time for this." The Blade scooped Lance up in his arms and ran like hell, away from the arm swooping in for another attack. Darting out of the way, the Blade deposited Lance outside of the strike zone, Lance's legs trembling.

With the monster focused on Shiro and Allura, who were busy fighting on the right, Lance took a second to process.

"Wh... wait.. Keith?"

The Blade raised a hand to a part of his chin and deactivated the mask, Keith's face appearing. He looked shaken but determined.

"How'd you-"

"You cradled me- your voice!"

"You fucker, you do remember!"

"Well-"

"Damn it, we have to get into Red, we have to help the others!" He said, ushering Lance along, easily dissolving Red's barrier. They rushed inside, shutting her mouth and Lance sitting down in the seat, breathing hard at his wound pressing against his armor in a painful squeeze.

Keith looked at him expectantly. "Cmon Lance!"

_Come on, Lance. You can do this. It doesn’t matter that you’re weak, you have to push through. Everyone’s counting on you. Don’t be a fuck-up just this once._

Lance braced himself with a few quick breaths, trying again to ignore the growing, ominously cold pain seeping into his movements. The feeling was enveloping his muscles, slowing them and making every move difficult.

He reached for the controls and Red sprung to life, leaping into action and approaching the giant monster with gusto.

In contrast, Lance was slumped slightly in his chair, teeth clenched and skin clammy in a cold sweat.

When Shiro called for them to form Voltron, he was just barely clinging to consciousness. He focused every ounce of mental strength on forming Voltron, and even then Hunk had to help him psychically.

The monster was completely destroyed within a minute of battle with Voltron, and Lance was just along for the ride at this point- he couldn’t focus anymore. He was trying his best to be present for this fight but it all passed in a blur. Red did an admirable job of picking up on his slack, understanding and worry immediately coloring his thoughts a comforting rose.

When the monster went down, he breathed a sigh of relief, but it came out more as a grunt.

Keith looked at him strangely.

Lance knew he must look a mess- sweating, trembling and moving slowly, and he knew that his wound had soaked through his undersuit and onto his seat- he slid around a little due to the warm liquid.

Keith walked around- he had been standing next to the pilot’s seat on his left- to the right side of him and gasped shallowly.

“Lance, your side! You’re bleeding!” Keith’s hands grasped air towards him, face pulled into a horrified look.

“The mission… was more important.” He said quietly, wheezing a little. He finally allowed himself to touch the gash, which was still slowly oozing blood. He took his hand back, gazing at the sticky red blood adorning his hand and realized he didn’t feel it anymore- he was numb.

“I.. it doesn’t hurt..” He mumbled, and Keith snapped out of his trance to lunge forward, demanding into the intercom that they return to the castle.

“Keith?” Shiro’s voice responded, shocked.

“NOW.”

Keith maneuvered Lance in front of him in the seat, leaning him against his chest while Keith took the controls. He could feel the boy’s blood seeping onto him where they were pressed together. 

Red cooperated with the change in pilots willingly- the words **_save him_ ** flashing in Keith’s mind.

He almost smiled at the familiar presence of Red.

Voltron split up and the lions raced back to the castle, Red leading the pack with Keith piloting and Lance slumped against him.

Lance, blearily fading in and out of consciousness, looked up at Keith’s determined face.

“Mm.. You look so serious.” He mumbled, pressing his face into Keith’s shoulder. Numb and delirious, his eyes blinked closed. “Want to.. Make you smile.”

Keith paused his breakneck piloting to look down at his injured comrade. “Lance? Lance. Stay awake! I’ll smile once you’re all healed! Just don’t fall asleep on me, okay?!”

“Mm-hm. Always… Always liked your smile.” Lance’s breathing was shallow and stuttering.

Keith’s chest burned warm with determination and warmth, but he was sure that Lance was just saying these things because going into shock made you crazy. There was no reason to get all rosy over someone who was _dying_ saying something sappy.

Red pulled into her hangar swiftly, and Keith picked Lance up again, holding him close as he sprinted from her mouth.

Lance bouncing in his arms looked so pale- he had to get to a pod.

“CORAN!! He needs a pod!!”

Hunk came from Yellow’s hangar, barely glimpsing Lance before faltering. “Oh my god.. What happened??”

Pidge, Shiro and Allura all approached Keith cautiously, but he had no time to explain.

Keith ran right by them and went for the pods, seeing Coran raising one and as soon as the door was open, he carefully placed Lance inside.

Right before it sealed, Lance cracked an eye open to see Keith caring for him.

A warmth flooded his veins, filling his weak body with affection.

Shit.


	3. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Culmination of Lance's Sexuality Arc!

There's a certain comfort in floating in a void, the healing of a coma induced by the healing pods. It's like being surrounded by nothing at all and yet you feel some force caring for and mending you. At least, that's how Lance would describe it.  
Lance floats for days. The endless time asleep stretching and stretching the moment out, until it snaps like a rubber band. A cold breeze and a force envelops him, waking him up with the care and precision obtained by magic or technology, he wasn’t sure.

All at once, he surfaces.

The pod opens with a hiss, and before he can react he’s falling forward into some firm, waiting arms.

His hands grasp at the arms, trying to balance himself. He feels shaky and weak, needing to be propped up. As if he needed another reason to feel helpless. Lance blinks once, twice, three times and the world comes into focus. The arms holding him are pale, which leaves only two real candidates as to who’s muscular arms are holding him. Both terrify him.

If it’s Shiro, he can be sure to face a stern talking-to and have to fight the urge to cry as his ‘hero’ yells at him for being stupid.

If it’s Keith, he’ll have to face whatever stupid feelings flood his body every time he looks at the boy. _The_ boy. Fuck.

He slowly looks up, and gasps when he realizes just how close he is to Keith’s violet irises.

“Lance, are you feeling okay?” Keith says, giving him a once-over, uncertain.

Where Keith is touching him is instantly set aflame.

Lance can’t decide whether he should savour this brief contact with his.. His what? Keith will never be his. He tamps down on his impulse to wrap his arms around Keith and let the older boy hold him. _‘I can’t believe i’m so weak for him. So weak. Stop it.’_

He tries to back up a bit out of Keith’s arms, but finds himself needing to lean a bit on him just to stand up. It feels so good to be close to him. He tries to make it as casual as possible.

Looking around, a low hum of noise becomes more obvious. It was always there, but he hadn’t noticed until now. The team was surrounding him, each with a look of concern on their faces.

Hunk’s voice rings clear. “Lance?” He sounds panicked.

“I…” He tries to speak, but his voice sounds like gravel in a blender. He clears his throat. “I.. I’m okay big guy. Just.. just drained.” Even speaking takes a lot of what little energy he possesses at the moment.

“Do you realize that you could’ve died?” Keith’s voice cuts like a knife. Lance recoils slightly, partly because of his lack of balance. He mourns the slight loss of contact.

“I…”

“You could’ve died! How could you risk that?” Keith continues, bowling right over his attempt to answer. Lance grips the material of Keith’s shirt tighter, wanting to hold on and pretend it’s something other than a teammate helping a comrade stand. He wants to pretend that Keith is supporting him because he feels the same. _Stupid, can’t believe you’re mooning over this guy. Pathetic._

“I wasn’t trying to.. bother anyone. The mission was more important.”  
Keith’s breath hitches, but it’s not him who responds. Pidge speaks up, voice quivering a little with emotion. “You had a foot long gash in your gut! It tore through you- you were bleeding so much, and the acid in your stomach was leaking out to your other organs, causing chemical burns! You must have been in severe pain.”

Lance nodded noncommittally, not making eye contact. He finds himself looking at his hands and their hold on Keith’s shirt. He’s stretching the fabric slightly. He should let go.

He doesn’t. Because he’s selfish.

“Shit, Lance.” Pidge waved away the start of Shiro’s protest to her swear. “Without the healing magic of the pods your surrounding organs would be burned so badly they would be nonfunctional and you would’ve bled out much sooner than that.”

“Seriously Lance, what were you thinking?” Keith found his opportunity to interject.

_I was thinking about how I wanted to fight with this team without looking like the weak link._

“I was thinking like the Blades we were working with. Mission first. If you don’t agree with that notion, why are you with them?” Lance finds the power in his own words.

Keith sputters and falls quiet for a moment, contemplative. “You’re different.”

“Different how? I’m just a qu- um, just a boy from Cuba- this war is more important than me. This team is more important than me. You- you guys are more important than me. “Lance shies away from Keith’s touch again, feeling disgusting that he’s enjoying the touch.

 _Stop feeling this way! He’s not interested, he would probably be disgusted if he found out.._ Thinking of a way to deflect, he can’t bring himself to flirt with Allura either. _You would just make her uncomfortable too.._

Hunk notices how quiet he’s being. “Hey buddy, I mean I understand you just had a near-death experience and that would rattle anybody, but you’re being awfully quiet. You’re important too, and it’s hard to see you like this! Is there something else bothering you? Are you- Are you mad that we didn’t notice? I feel bad-”

“Hunk.”

“-That I didn’t notice, I mean what kind of friend am I? Not even noticing my best friend is bleeding out, come on-”

“Hunk.”

“-dude, just tell me if you’re mad, okay? I’ll make you some food. Will that help? No, that doesn’t fix this. Jeez-”

“ _Hunk!_ ” Not just Lance, but Keith and Pidge also chime in to stop the mechanic’s rambling.

“I.. I just feel drained. Can I lie down for a bit? I don’t feel like talking about death right now. I’m not mad at you guys.” Lance says, without any of his usual boisterous attitude.

Hunk nods wordlessly, and moves to take him back to his room. Keith grabs onto Lance’s pod suit. “I’ll help him, Hunk. Don’t worry.” Lance feels a sick sense of relief Keith gently guides Lance out of the room and towards the current Red Paladin’s bedroom, allowing him to put some weight on his shoulder for support. As they maneuver down the hallways, he savours every moment he gets to touch the other boy.

The door hisses open and Keith helps Lance sit down on his bed, the mattress bending slightly under his weight.

Keith pauses, opening his mouth once and then closing it.

It’s almost a minute of silence, Lance’s eyes fluttering closed and feeling exhausted.

Then Keith speaks.

“You’re important, Lance. As important as any of us. And i’m.. I’m not good at words but I know for a fact this team would not be where we are without you.”

Lance’s eyes snap open.

“Keith…” Lance can’t make any other words come out.

He wants to say everything and at the same time he can’t.

He wants to say how Keith makes him feel.. The magnetic attraction he feels. How he can’t function properly without him here, by his side. Even if Keith didn’t feel the same way, he wants him here. With his found family. He wants to say how he feels there’s an impulsive, mullet-shaped part of this team missing. He wants to express how much Keith’s support and their dual leadership had meant to him, how even the slightest touch sets his nerves on fire. How there’s nothing he would rather do than spend his time in space with Keith. And how much that scares him, how much it is terrifying to confront that part of him, the part that feels that it’s wrong to be this way and the belief that Keith would think worse of him if he knew.

“I always admired you.” He chokes out, and flinches when he realizes he said that out loud. Too late now.

Keith is looking at him strangely, like he’s figuring a puzzle out.

“The rivalry.. I was just.. Trying to put us on the same level. Which is stupid, because you were always so far beyond me. I couldn’t just ask to be your friend like a normal human being.. I had to make a whole thing about it. God.. I just.. It kind of hurt when you didn’t remember me, and I know that’s dumb but it was my way of connecting with you.”

“I remembered you.” Keith murmured.

“Hm?”

“From the Garrison. I remembered you.”

Lance is immediately fully awake. “What? Are you kidding?”

“No. I always noticed how popular you were. How good you were at making friends.. I was pretty much an outcast from day one. I could never manage. I remember your smile..” Keith chuckled.

“I can’t believe you made me think you didn’t remember me. Rip my self esteem.” Lance muttered. “Why are you laughing?”

“I just- it’s something you said when you were passing out. Something about liking my smile.” Keith admitted, and Lance could swear there was a hint of red in his cheeks.

Lance’s eyes grew wide. “Uh- did I really? Wow, haha, can’t imagine why..”

One raised eyebrow later, and Lance was retracting that statement. “Ugh, well whatever dude. It’s obvious you’re dreamy as fuck okay? I was in shock, just drop it.”

Keith seemed to turn into a statue, half smile frozen on his face. “Wh.. what?”

“Don’t make me say it again to stroke your ego, man.” Lance rolled his eyes, blush covering his cheeks. He really wished he hadn’t said that out loud.

Keith seemed to consider his next move very carefully. “Lance.. Are you.. Do you..” He bites his lip. “Ugh, I don’t want to mess this up..”

Lance looked at him, curiosity bubbling behind his blue eyes. “What don’t you want to mess up?”

Keith’s eyes fixed on him again, and that determined gaze alone made Lance gulp.

“This.”

Keith leaned in and cupped Lance’s cheek, tilting his head up before kissing him.

Lance’s mind couldn’t keep up. What the hell was happening? Keith.. KEITH was kissing him? The actual, real Keith?

His lips were slightly chapped, but otherwise soft and maybe the best damn thing Lance had ever felt in his life. And they were pressed against his lips, chastely stealing his first kiss.

Lance was so startled he forgot to move as well, so preoccupied with trying to process the information given to him that he couldn’t press back.

He was so still that Keith’s eyes opened, meeting his, and lurched back.

“Oh my god, i’m sorry. I thought.. You said I was dreamy! I.. oh fuck.. I’m sorry Lance I shouldn’t have done that. Fuck, I messed this up. Shit.” Keith spoke faster than Lance had ever heard him speak, and he was… apologizing?

“Wait!! Stop, stop, you’re gay?” Lance asked, frenzied.

Keith looked at him like he’d grown a second head.

“Yes? I thought you were.. I don’t know, bi or something. God, i’m stupid.” Keith’s face burned red.

“Uh.. I.. I am. I just.. I thought I was good at hiding it, I don’t know.. I didn’t mean to say the dreamy thing out loud. I never meant for you to find out.” Lance murmured, hanging his head a bit.

“Because you don’t like me?” Keith tried to clarify, looking like he wanted a lightning bolt to strike him down where he stood.

“No! I.. It’s the opposite, I thought you were straight!”

“Hah, as if.” Keith chuckled, shoulders losing a bit of tension. “Wait, the opposite? Do you like me?”

Lance’s words caught in his throat, a few excruciating seconds where he fought against his ‘straight-guy’ mask and tried to be honest. “I.. yeah. I’ve just kinda figured that out recently. I figured it was so embarrassing to be bi and have a crush on a straight guy I might as well just.. Take it to my grave?”

Keith had an unreadable expression on his face, like he can’t quite figure out how to feel. “That.. that was your plan? I thought you were a good strategist!”

“Wow. Rude.”

“What’s rude is never telling your crush you like him, when he’s super into you!”

Lance choked on his words. “Wh- you’re into me?”  
“I thought the kiss was enough explanation.” Keith’s cheeks flushed again.  
“It’s not! I had no idea you liked me, you never said anything!”  
“I thought you were straight until like, yesterday!”

“ _Because I was scared_ !” Lance exclaimed. “I was scared, of rejection, of what people say, of all the stuff I was taught about gay people growing up.. I just.. I couldn’t _say_ anything.”

Keith sat down on the bed beside Lance.

“I never really had to struggle with my sexuality. I know who I am. But you’ve had some kind of a journey to get here, and you should know no one on this ship would think any less of you.” Keith put a hand tentatively on Lance’s shoulder.

“Hah.. I thought you weren’t good at words.” Lance muttered, and reached out slowly, purposefully towards Keith’s hand.

He intertwined their fingers, fitting perfectly against each other, and warmth emanated through their bodies.

“If you like me.. And I like you.. Do you want to make this- us, do you want to make us a thing?” Lance asked, quiet.

“Of course I do, Lance.” Keith replied, squeezing his hand.

“So… Do you wanna try that kiss again?” Lance grinned.

Keith turned red and nodded quickly. The two boys leaned in again, and this time Lance was prepared for the kiss.

A real first kiss. Smooth and languid, they expressed their affection freely.

Finally, Lance got to feel good without being ashamed of being who he was.

He was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Short Epilogue will be coming as the last chapter in a week or so, stay tuned!


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance comes out to the team, and resolution is found.

Lance has faced down intergalactic beasts with team Voltron, they've been through so much together. 

So why is coming out to them so difficult?

He stands outside the door to the lounge area, where he asked them to congregate for a short announcement. 

There were a few chuckles, but they're all in there. 

Keith alone is outside, standing by his side and watching him pensively. His fingers twitch out towards Lance's. 

Lance sighs, and meets Keith's eyes. "I don't know if I can do this.." 

"Of course you can. This is the team. We tell each other everything, there's nothing to be afraid of." Keith tried to reassure him. 

"What about Shiro, my hero since I was a kid? I couldn't stand it if he was.. if he disapproved." 

"He won't. Trust me. He had a boyfriend back at the garrison. Pretty serious relationship, actually." 

"WHAT? Shiro's gay?" And you didn't tell me!?"

"It didn't come up." Keith shrugged.

"That.. ugh, I guess that reassures me." Lance ran a hand through his hair. "Okay, okay. I'm ready."

One deep breath in, and Lance steps forward, signalling the automatic door to slide open.

The Team is waiting in the lounge, looking up at their arrival.

"Lance! What was your announcement, bud?" Hunk asks, open stance and wide arms that Lance just wants to run into and accept one of Hunk's legendary hugs. But instead, he steels himself. 

"I.." He looks down at his and Keith's hands, hanging next to each other but not intertwined, like he wants them to be.

And in a split second, he decides. Purposefully, he reaches his hand out and weaves his fingers in with Keith's, feeling his rough callouses and grasping his hand, feeling the comforting warmth and slight weight that comes with holding his hand. 

He spends another second looking at their combined hands. 

"I'm bi. And we're.." 

"We're boyfriends now." Keith took over when Lance faltered, voice confident. 

Lance met Keith's gaze, smiling ever so slightly. He finally looks up at the Team again, and finds them all staring but Pidge, who absently waved. 

"Tell me something I don't know- ah!" Pidge snarked, cut off by a swift Hunk Elbow to the ribs.

"This is a big moment for them!" Hunk warbled, clearly on the edge of tears. 

"Alright, congrats you guys." She corrected, rolling her eyes but patting Hunk on his elbow comfortingly, the highest she could reach on him from the couch.

Shiro nodded, a smile growing on his face. "I'm glad you felt you could tell us. I'm sorry I haven't been myself lately, I don't know what's been going on.. But I support you two 100% and I'm happy to welcome you to the club." 

 "We're very pleasantly surprised, paladins. This will make you stronger as a Team, and we're behind you no matter what." Allura said cordially, breaking from her princess manners to shoot them a thumbs-up. 

Coran regarded them happily. "It was very common for lovers to evolve from rivalries and comrades on Altea, you two make me think of.. well, someone special and I back in the day."

Allura gave him a knowing side-eye, and Coran coughed, blushing. 

Lance's smile grew, and his blue eyes swam with tears. 

"You guys... Thank you." He managed, voice catching on 'you'. 

Hunk approached quickly, tears streaming down his face. "Come on in, you guys deserve a group hug." His big arms encircled them, securing them a prime position in the patented Voltron Hunk Hug formation. 

The rest of the team slotted themselves in, Shiro with more than a little hesitation, but they stayed in the group hug for a good long while, savoring the warmth and contentedness. 

Pidge was the first to worm herself out, citing 'things to do' that definitely weren't concealing her own golden eyes welling up from the 'sapfest' going on, shut up Hunk. 

Shiro, Allura and Coran extracted themselves as well shortly after, and eventually Hunk released Lance and Keith, who felt very much loved. 

They walked in silence for a few minutes, down the hallways of the Castle-ship that had become their home. 

The quiet blanketed them, allowing for a sense of peace Lance hadn't felt in years.

The peace of knowing exactly who you are, where you stand with other people, and knowing you can be yourself. 

Lance appreciated that feeling so much it almost hurt, combined with his uncertainty of their future. 

He walked with Keith, down the halls until he sat down on his bed, holding onto Keith's hand like a lifeline. Keith was still standing, unsure.

Lance looked up at him. "Stay." He said simply, and Keith sat with him. 

Slowly, they migrated to laying side by side until Lance bit the bullet and moved Keith's arms around him, and snaked his around Keith's waist. 

Cuddling wouldn't fix all their problems- despite today's good mood and support, Shiro was still an uncertain factor. They were still fighting an intergalactic war where they could die in any fight- the last battle and Lance's wounds had proved that. Earth could be in danger, Lance's family could be in jeopardy. And ultimately they had to face the future uncertain as to what said future was going to look like.

But they were going to do it together. 

Lance felt secure in his belief in that.

And finally, for the moment, he could allow himself to be simply, overwhelmingly happy. 


End file.
